First published 2010

Hello Filipina, Filipinas, Pinays, visitors and members,

This site was launched new in 2010 and I’ve been watching the profiles of the members that have been trickling in. I got the impression that most members realize this is a site for and by Filipinas, but I also realized that some members think that this is a dating site. I don’t blame those people or most other visitors for thinking so because most other Filipina sites you find on an internet search ARE services for finding a Filipina bride, don’t you agree? (I mean look at how the google ads work—-most any site with the word Filipina in it triggers dating site ads).

Everyone is looking for love and happiness and everyone finds their way to do that. But no, Pinay.com IS NOT ANOTHER DATING, PEN PAL OR MAIL ORDER BRIDE SITE. If you thought so you didn’t read the About page did you?

Let me tell you a story or two…
This is Lynn’s story. She is a fellow Pinay and she runs a new courier business out of the Central Texas area (my mom is one of her new customers). She was in Costco (a large discount retail warehouse) recently and a Filipina woman came up to her. They greeted each other with Filipino pleasantries and Lynn mentioned her Balikbayan Box business. It is what the woman said next that is remarkable. She asked Lynn how she made it to the U.S.—-did she meet a guy in one of the U.S. bases in the Philippines or did she meet the husband online? She was asking because she was newly come to the U.S. and she was trying to figure out how her daughter could make it to the U.S. too. Lynn was suprised—-these were the only options this woman could think of! Lynn and I talked about how it did not occur to this Filipina that there are other ways to come to live in the States or anywhere abroad. But wait, on another occasion, the janitor at Costco introduced himself to Lynn. He said “You’re Filipina aren’t you?” when she said yes, he rudely went on to tell her how he thought all women of Philippine descent make it to the States because they are looking for a man with money. So he told his girlfriend-to-be online that he was an engineer. Turns out the girl WAS only looking for a boyfriend with money who could help her get to the U.S. so he dumped her(or did she dump him because she found out that he wasn’t an engineer?) When Lynn introduced this man to her mother and told her this story, Lynn’s mother exclaimed, “Engineer of what?! Engineer of the trash?!!” right in front of him. (Now that’s a feisty pinay!)

I don’t know if Lynn shared with the janitor how she got to the States as a child, but she told me briefly that her family got here long ago so she grew up here. My own Filipino parents came here in the 1950s—-my mother came here to work as a nurse(she was one of the first wave of Filipina nurses to find adventure in the U.S.) and my father made it to the States by becoming a U.S. soldier out of Guam. They met and married in New Jersey and I was born in Massachusetts.

Mister Engineer of the Trash, in his own narrow life experience had easily created a stereotype (and maybe because “Filipina” appears in most Search Engine Results Page (SERPs) as a series of sites about dating, pen pals and Filipina brides). This man could not consider the stories of the many other Filipino men and women who made it to the U.S. by their education, hard work and talent and which they in turn contributed to the nation. For example, my father ended up giving his life up for the U.S. by fighting in Vietnam in 1965 and dying on the battlefield.

what do these stories really tell us?
The Filipina at Costco, can only consider the options of making it to the States or abroad: (1) by Meeting/marrying a guy on a U.S. A.F. base in the P.I. and (2) Meeting a guy on the Internet. These options are the ones she has only because she does not have the educational and economic means the same as Lyv’s or my parents had. How many other Filipinas have only these limited options and go online looking for better lives so much so that a man like Mister Engineer of the Trash thinks such a thing of all Philippine women he meets online or even at the local store?

I’ll tell you this…
If you’re a man abroad and looking to befriend a Filipina and maybe find romance, there are times that the Filipinas you find online are sincerely looking for love. At the same time, the stories might tell you that there is always a consideration that a woman friend you are finding online (and who lives in the Philippines) might also be looking for a way to get out of a third world country and find a life abroad where the grass is greener [or find a guy/guys abroad who can be convinced to send her money while she stays where she is]—-only because these are her choices from the context of her life. The marketing spiel on many of the dating and penpal sites is the trade-off, so to speak, that is, Filipina make great wives and maybe even submissive company. Yadayadayada. Filipina women ARE fabulous women, but don’t succumb to the stereotypes. And just like any other group of women(or men) from any country out in the world, you can’t expect all good things—there will be some bad egg exceptions. So beware of the travails and troubles of finding love online from any country.

If you’re a Filipina then the story might tell you that men you meet online could very well be lying to you that you could have a good life with them in their country. Filipinas can meet good guys online who are kind-hearted, truthful and generous. They can. But they can also meet guys who are selfish and deceitful and who will keep them isolated and under submission of their every masculine command—-it sounds more like bond-slavery to me. Just beware.

Anyway, if you are a Filipina who has mistakenly come to this site looking to make your way out of the Philippines by finding a mate who lives abroad, there is nothing wrong with your options for finding happiness and love and a good life. But I, as your fellow Filipina, and as the publisher of this site, do not have a solution for you at this site. I do wish you goodness in your life, though. So may you visit Pinay.com to connect with the stories of other Filipinas and maybe share your own.

A little more in-depth?
Let’s not forget that many people in the Philippines have a dysfunctional misconception that Westerners and Western countries are superior in every way(culture, race, economy, Hollywood, materialism). And many people in the Philippines live below the poverty level so there are a good number of Filipinos whose options are limited for making a better life for themselves in the Philippines so its easy for them to think that any life abroad is better.

Of course all the above speaks volumes about the economic, political and colonial/historical problems that exist in the Philippines. No one person has solutions for these systemic problems. Everyone has to do their part. In my own little way, Pinay.com and my many other websites on Filipino philosophy and indigenous spirituality are the ways that I try to heal/help the country my mother is from and where my blood hails from. After all, a sense of feeling pride in being a Filipina or a Filipino and a sense of connection to our ancestors and heritage helps create wholeness within us. I love the Philippines, i grew up there starting when I was Grade 6 up to college. Knowing the land and the people of the Philippines has helped me grow and be more whole and has expanded my mind and my life goals.

If you’re looking for love please move on.
So I will clarify again, that this site is NOT A DATING, PEN PAL OR MAIL ORDER BRIDE SITE. If you have joined the site to find a boyfriend or a Filipina girlfriend this site is not built for that purpose. And if that is why you have visited/joined this site I would like to direct you to find another site online for that very purpose. Obviously, if you joined for that purpose you did not read the Pinay.com About or Terms of Service page and if you want to now then now you can.

I am recently spending a lot of time sending Filipinas around the world an invitation to join Pinay.com and be a member who can help add site content that shares who Filipinas are in their myriad and diverse ways, simply because. If we are lucky, these stories, links, posts will help inspire fellow Filipinas and spur each other on to do their own very best and be the utmost, bright human being they can be in this world.

If you find useful and interesting what this site is really about then do linger on and contribute when you can.

And whoever you are may you find peace, joy and blessings wherever you may be, however your life unfolds.

in the Spirit of Kapwa and Love,

Perla Daly
5/30/2010

P.S.
Pinay.com gets a lot of click throughs from search engines, so some other sites, like dating sites, try to increase their hits by cheating or falsely giving their html page a title value with text of “pinay.com” in it. You know you are at the real pinay.com, a site for and by Filipinas, because when you look at the location of your browser, you are seeing http://beta.pinay.com or pinay.com.