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The Art of Loving Oneself |

The Art of Loving Oneself, by Dr. Joy Barredo at

This is a 2-part article from Dr. Joy Barredo of Coachcom

Little girls raised in today’s more enlightened world are very fortunate in that they value themselves, for more of them are brought up to believe that they matter, as much as men and other people.

For those of us who weren’t as fortuitous, the concept of loving oneself may be a formidable notion, even as we’ve challenged double standards between genders, race and social economics,.

“Loving oneself” is something heard all the time, but not many pay attention. 

How important is it really? 

What are ways you demonstrate love for yourself?

Can you say yes to any of the following?

  • When I see myself in the mirror, I smile because the image staring back at me is the loveliest face on the planet.
  • I can say, I exercise, I eat healthily.
  • I treat myself to massages.
  • I get enough quality sleep.

If you feel you don’t love yourself then what can you do?  What needs to happen or change for you to love yourself?

Ask yourself “why don’t I love or like myself?” and make a list…

  1. _________________
  2. _________________
  3. _________________
  4. _________________
  5. _________________
  6. _________________
  7. _________________
  8. _________________

Now look at your list and choose the 3 most important items to you. 

  1. _________________
  2. _________________
  3. _________________

Among these 3, which ones do you have the power to change? And which ones can you explore, get to know more about, then in time learn to accept and love?

For example, your list may include:

  • I am horizontally challenged (a little overweight)
  • I lack confidence
  • I have no fashion sense
  • My hair is limp
  • I sweat a lot
  • I have big feet.

Which among your 3 things can you change? Which ones can you not?

For the things you cannot change – why not try and make the most of them?  For instance, having big feet – this gives you enough reason to invest in the prettiest, most comfortable footwear there is.

Or you can seek expert advice.  Any fashion coach can guide you in your quest for shoes that not only make your feet look a wee smaller, but also lovely to behold.

And for the things you can change, let me share a formula: 

  • Think of the first item you’d like to change.
  • State clearly what it is you want – example, “I want to be confident.”
  • Ask yourself, “what’s stopping me from being confident?”
  • Write a list of your options to becoming more confident. Your list may include seeking the services of a life coach, attending confidence building workshops or buying self-help books.
  • Choose the best way forward. Out of all your options, which one or ones will most likely help you become confident? Mark your choice/s.

The Art of Loving Oneself at

Take immediate action

Decide on 3 things that you will do, in the next 7 days, to show your love for yourself.  Will you take up a new hobby? Have a foot massage? Go on a picnic? Meditate? Yoga? Cook your favourite meal?  Have a lovely chat with a friend?  Buy that bag you’ve been coveting for months?

Say a prayer for yourself

Whatever your list contains, I would suggest the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

When said from the heart, it’s a very powerful prayer and one that’s been adopted by AA and other 12-step programmes.

Lastly, within the next 24 hours, write a love letter to yourself.

Start the letter with something like Dear “my name”, or Gorgeous “my name”… and then include the following in your letter:

  • what you appreciate most about yourself.
  • what you will do in the next 3 months to show how much you care for yourself.
  • a few of your successes and achievements in life – go back 10, 20, or even 30 years.
  • a pledge or promise to keep in touch with your older (hopefully wiser and happier) self.

The Art of Loving Oneself at

Dr Joy Barredo

Dr Joy Barredo.

Perhaps write a love letter to yourself every month or every quarter. It’s your choice.

Remember – be kind to yourself!

This is Part 1 of 2
Next from Dr. Joy Barredo, “The 5 Ways to Wellbeing.” Part 2 of 2.

Originally published Aug 7, 2015

Dr. Joy

Dr. Joy

I am Dr Joy Barredo - proud Filipina and a citizen of the world.I am a qualified Master NLP Practitioner.I also have certificates in NLP Coaching and Advanced Life Coaching.My other qualifications include a doctorate degree in Educational Management (from De La Salle University, Manila) and certificates in Line Management and Managing a Social Enterprise.
My main passion in life is motivating, empowering and educating people. I believe it is a privilege to guide someone in discovering themselves, their dreams and to become their personal best.

For pleasure I enjoy traveling, and seek adventure where life takes me.I am also a voracious reader, a kitchen goddess, a self-taught DIYer, an amateur photographer and a keen silversmith.I take a holistic approach towards health and am madly in love with dogs!
Dr. Joy

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